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Is, ‘because I’m a good time,’ an appropriate answer?
I was raised in Alabama, but I grew up in California. Moving here when I was 18. An evangelical, misogynistic, closed minded girl who eventually turned away from hate and embraced real love. When you can see all those things for what they really are, they’re just hate with a pretty bow to make you think you’re actually helping people. The lies I believed about who I was supposed to be were endless, sad, and now looking back comical. How could I ever think if I just found the right man I’d finally be worthy of love? [I am absolutely a feminist and I absolutely love men.]
I tackle the lies that society puts on us as women and mothers. It’s a hot mess of a good time. Sometimes it’s like a journal entry because that’s the only way I can bring my brain into moments that were hard for me, sometimes it’s like road rage on a page bobbing and weaving through my mind for all the internet to see. It may be sad some days, but it always ends with the truth. We are enough.
We put way too much pressure on ourselves. We hold ourselves to standards we wouldn’t hold anyone else to. We lose ourselves in our motherhood and one of the things that make us stronger, smarter, kinder, and wiser IS our motherhood. I love all 4 of my children. I love my husband. And I love myself. I love who I’ve become and who I become each day. Sometimes I suck but that just makes me human. I love that a day can suck and I can embrace it instead of telling myself how horrible of a job I did or that I’m the worst. I love that I’ve learned to say no and stop trying to make everyone else happy over myself. I’m done sacrificing every piece of me in order to stand high on some fake pedestal the world made for mothers. I don’t want my kids growing up thinking that a stoic pedestal is the goal. I want my kids growing up understanding that life is messy, complicated, fun, exciting, and full of love. And I want to live through all those things with them imperfectly and full of grace.
Societies idea of motherhood [and women for that matter] is a joke. Trying to live up to this impossible ‘Pinterest Mom’ standard is just that, impossible. I felt lost and had the dreaded mom guilt all the time. I knew that feeling well. The feeling of what it felt like to wonder if I would ever be anything other than mom and then feel guilty for thinking I should be anything else.
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